He stood up, went for the door and put his hand on the doorknob waiting. There was no sound. Nobody said „Wait…”

It’s not like in the movies, it never is. So he went out, closed the door behind him and took the elevator to… nowhere. He wasn’t going anywhere in particular. He just felt like leaving that fucking apartment before his head cracked open like that time Zeus gave birth to Athena. Who knows what kind of monsters would have come out of his skull?

„I’m here, you know. Right in front of you. But you can’t see me.”

All he was thinking of was to find the strength to go on through another day. Just one more day and that was it. The ticket was for the day after so it wasn’t a lot of hanging in there to do. Call your little friend and be done with it. Fast forward through it all and get back on that plane, go home where it’s quiet. Nobody disturbs your morning coffee and you can watch the dust particles dance every morning in the shimmering sunlight. Nobody asks you to behave thinking that you might pull a scene. Nobody trying to win any sick games.

The only down side of living alone for such a long time is that you’re quite difficult to understand after a while. Yes, you can go out a lot with your friends, drink yourself to oblivion and get back on the horse again in the morning, but you never get to open up to anybody. So you find a way to be surrounded by people all the time but still be alone. You start saying „Hi! How are you?” without being interested about how one is actually doing.

And the moment somebody reaches out to you is so warm… it feels warm on the inside, between your shoulders and from your neck to your stomach. Too bad that moment can only last a second. And by the time you touch their hands it’s already all so cold. I guess you were not fast enough this time.

Nobody is fast enough, not when it comes to matters of the heart. You can’t have catlike reflexes in love. There’s no intuition in it either, there shouldn’t be. Everything moves in a natural way, unless one does not know how to love. And she didn’t.


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